So recently someone very close to me is having difficulties in their relationship and asked me for some advice. However, when they were speaking with me all they kept talking about was their ‘feelings’. While I believe feelings are important to some respect, they become null and void once you’ve made a commitment to that individual.
The word commitment as defined by Webster, is “the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled“. What I take from this is your ‘feelings’ become inconsequential to the matter. More to the fact you ‘falling out of love’ is complete and utter nonsense when it comes to a committed relationship.
Feelings are fickle creatures and come and go and sway with the winds, but your commitment to that person is forever. In my marriage I’m sure my wife has fallen out of love with me on many occasions but she was committed to me no matter how much of a jerk I was being. She made me feel important and needed even when I knew I was being a worthless little puke.
Commitment to your spouse, your loved one your whomever is stronger than anything else should be in your life.
I equate this to the love of a mother to their child. No matter how horrible that child is the mother will always love that little rascal no matter what. However, when it comes to a relationship the same mother will not show that same love to her husband. The spouse was there before the children and will be there when they are gone.
That spouse is your partner and is to be treated as such. To put your children before your spouse is disgusting and should never be allowed if you want your relationship to last past graduation day of your kids. How many stories have you heard of marriages ending after 20 plus years. The reason, most of the time it was only the kids that held them together.
I’m not saying to love your children less or they are not important, but your lover, spouse, ‘soul mate’ whatever you want to call it was there first and should always come first. Hardships and trials will always come and go, and your feelings for your spouse will wavier and come and go. However, the commitment to them should be steadfast in stone.
I understand there are certain situations where a commitment to your spouse can be broken, spousal abuse, drug abuse, infidelity. However, I am not speaking on those subjects. I am strickly speaking on your day to day lives where the bills are piling up and the money is short, and you both are just at your wits end. This is the time your commitment is tested the hardest.
The grass isn’t always greener, sometimes you just see how ugly it can be there alone to water your own grass by yourself.
My suggestion to you is if you find yourself falling out of love with your spouse, start acting like you’re in love with them. Start focusing on all the positive and great things they are doing. I guarantee you will find yourself falling head over heels for them all over again. We as people always seem to be drawn to the negative things in life. The negative things in your spouse, the country, even your neighbors.
I submit to you, look for the positive, search for all the good things in your relationship. I promise if you look as hard for the positive as you do the negative you will have a drastic change in your way of thinking.
I believe it is imperative that us as a society need to get back to honoring our commitments and seeing them through to the absolute end. I hope you all have a great day and I hope I’ve brought a small piece of joy to your day.
Chris
the constant thinker 